she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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