Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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