woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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