Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
4 words: hood of his car
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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