You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
