i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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