I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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