Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
