I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
