i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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