Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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