I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
