I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just want to make out with him forever
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
