Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
