You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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