Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
