He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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