wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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