My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
