will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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