another moral hangover. fuck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
