how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
