whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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