mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the condom got lost in my hair
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
