there was a trapeze. enough said
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
