I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
