can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
