you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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