You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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