tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
