I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
