I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My dick has a subreddit
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
