Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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