I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
