Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
