I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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