Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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