therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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