It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize