I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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