2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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