I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
