I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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