you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
