i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just want nice things and good sex
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I want is dick and wine.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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