I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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