dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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