the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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