Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
