My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
