ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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