if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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