season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
