dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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