my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
