SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
