i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
