Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
