There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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