That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
