Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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