Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
