Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
