There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
