May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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