you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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