I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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