So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
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