So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it because I queefed?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
