Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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