i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
