Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
