I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
