PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
