i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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