Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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