We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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