my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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